Long time no see!

I'm not even going to start apologizing for it being, well...over a year now, since I've written a blog. Because...you probably don't want to sit here and read a blog about how sorry I am for not writing. :-) So instead, I'm just going to update you on my life and what has happened in the past year.

Around January a whole bunch of my friends and I decided to have a girls night at Alyssa's (my best friend) parent's house and go hot-tubbing (one of our favorite past time's!). While we were there we were all talking about when we all have kids and what it would be like and how long we all wanted to wait...blah blah blah. I shared that all of my life all I have wanted is to be a Godly wife and mother and I was so excited to be, but Jamie and I wanted to wait until he graduated from ORU, which would have been another 2-3 years. Little did I know at that time that I was already...ok- I'm going to explain how I found this little tid-bit of info. out that would change the rest of my life!

About 3 weeks later, Tulsa got record-breaking snowfall, and Jamie and I actually got blizzard-ed (ha! I made that word up-because I can. :) into our apartment. Now, Jamie and I are hard-core winter people so we were so so excited! However, I ended up getting sick that same week. And when I say sick, I mean REALLY sick. So sick that I basically slept on the bathroom floor for days. Jamie kept asking me if I thought I was pregnant, but I kept saying "Um, no? It's not possible. I'm just sick!" But, he insisted on going to the store and buying me a pregnancy test. I think he just knew...he had a feeling. It took me a while to take one because I was so nervous as to what it was going to say. I guess you could say I just knew, too. And the longer I put off taking the test, the longer I 'wasn't' pregnant, HAHA! Well, I took the first one the next day (after he bought them) and sure enough...2 lines. However light that second line was- there was STILL a second line. "OH.MY.GOSH." A flood of emotions ran through me as I begin to panic. At this point I was the only one that knew and I was freaking. "There is NO WAY we can have a baby right now! Jamie is in school full time and I am working full time...how can we afford a baby??" I think I made myself even more sick than I already was. (Come to find out I had strep throat on top of morning sickness- that sucked!!)

I had always dreamed of how I would tell Jamie I was pregnant, but this was NOT the way any of it was planned by me. Instead of waiting, calming down, coming up with some really romantic or cute way to tell Jamie he was going to be a dad, I simply asked him, "So, how would you feel about being a dad?" How embarrassing. If I could turn back the hands of time, you better believe I would have told him WAY differently. But I was panicking, I was frustrated, scared, excited, sick and every other emotion you could ever think of. He was so sweet about it, though...even though I know he would have liked for it to have been a little more romantic than a simple question between my vomits, LOL. Once I asked him, and incredibly big and genuine smile began to creep across his stubbly, non-shaven face. "Really? Are you serious??" He was immediately excited. That really helped to ease my anxiety. I knew it would be ok because I had the support and love of a man that I am MADLY in love with, and that is going to be the most incredible father ever.

We wanted to drive to Missouri that weekend to tell our families in person, but ended up getting more snow so it was just impossible. Not to mention I was still sick, so driving in a car 6 hours was honestly the LAST thing I wanted to be doing. We ended up keeping it to ourselves for that week until I could go to the doctor and confirm it. I had my confirmation at the doctor's office that next week, so we told Jamie's family via a phone call and my family via Skype. Everyone was VERY surprised, to say the least, but so very excited. We definitely had the support of both of our families.

Jamie and I wanted to find out the gender of the baby for sure, but was going to wait until I was 19 weeks along to find out with all of our family together. However, to our surprise at only 16 weeks, little baby Oakley decided to show us FOR SURE what gender it was at a routine ultra-sound. Both Jamie and I could tell immediately what it was and although didn't expect to find out until later, we asked the doctor for sure. Jamie said,"It's a girl, isn't it?" I knew, too. She spread her legs out and made sure we knew there was nothing there. The doctor smiled, looked at me and said "Daddy's good!" oh my geez. A girl!? SO EXCITING! AND, we kept it a secret from everyone for 3 weeks! It was hard, oh my gosh was it hard. But we didn't get to tell our families in person that we were pregnant so gosh darnit, we were going to be able to tell them what we were having in person! And we did- we announced to both of our families over breakfast after a trip to Missouri, that we were having girl. Everyone was ecstatic!! My family is loaded with boys, so throwing a girl into the mix is going to be so fun!!

So here I am today. The past 9 months have been a roller coaster. I was only sick for the 1st trimester, the 2nd was my favorite, the 3rd is tiring and rough because I'm so fat, haha! I am now 9 months pregnant, due in 3 1/2 weeks (Sept. 28), and ready to hold my little angel on the outside of my tummy. Jamie and I are both SO SO SO very excited, and cannot wait to endure the many MANY life changes we are about to embark on. Although this was NOT our plan, very rarely do our plans stay what we originally wanted them to be, huh? God's ways are ALWAYS higher than ours, and His plans are ALWAYS better than ours.

Can't wait to meet you, Annisyn Raquel! :)

Blizzard of 2011!

Annisyn's profile!!

All the names Jamie and I thought about before

deciding on Annisyn.

Holding my angel in my tummy...
(31 weeks along)

Honest Quiet Times

Colossians 3:3-8 (Message)

"Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.

And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That's a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God. It's because of this kind of thing that God is about to explode in anger. It wasn't long ago that you were doing all that stuff and not knowing any better. But you know better now, so make sure it's all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk."

Can I be completely honest and transparent? It has been SO hard for me to become disciplined into having quiet times with my Jesus. I know how important they are, and how much people grow during their quiet times, but it's just been so hard for me to set time aside to do it. In such a busy-minded society, we try so hard to fit our precious quiet times with Jesus into our schedules instead of making our schedules around our priceless quiet times with Him. I know I know I know how important it is, but I think until I had experienced that awesome closeness with God that could only happen during a quiet time, I didn't know what I was missing. I love Jesus with all my heart, and I believe I live a life that reflects that in public; however, my private time told a different story. Not that I did bad stuff in my private time, but I was missing such a vital part of my walk with the Lord. It was/is very easy for me to explain to people how important those times alone with God are, yet not be doing it myself- knowing that I am missing something.

My soul is crying out; my life has had this unexplainable longing for something and I know what it is. I know I have a calling on my life, and I am so so excited to see that play out. However, I am making my own road block in going forward with my calling by not digging into the Word and getting to know Jesus better, one-on-one. I think He wants to 'get to know me better' as well. ;)

So, I have started. The Lord has laid some things on my heart to fast for a month; things that very much got in the way of me spending time with Him. I've been digging into the Word and reading more in the past 2 weeks than I have my entire life in the Bible. I started off with the book of Esther (this book is like a story- so interesting!!!), then moved on to Philippians because our pastor is in the middle of a series on JOY and we are going through the entire book. I never realized that the whole book of Philippians is about joy; not just Paul writing telling you about it, he is living it! Although he is in jail for speaking the gospel AND chained to a guard, he still was joyful! He was happy, and it showed to others, very loudly. I WANT TO BE LIKE PAUL!

Well, I got through Philippians really quick, and decided to keep going in order. So, on to Colossians, which I got today's verse from. Another letter from Paul while he is still in jail; another amazing book. I just finished 1 Thessalonians and I'm getting ready to start 2 Thessalonians. I'm so excited to keep going. God has truly revealed Himself more and more to me as I allowed Him in in reading His Word; I begin each day of my quiet time in anticipation!

This verse, that I quoted at the beginning of my blog, really stuck out to me as I was reading Colossians last night. "Your old life is dead. Your new life....is with Christ in God. HE IS YOUR LIFE." V3-4 The problem has been for so long that I was not allowing Christ to be my entire life; I was only allowing Him to be parts of my life. I think I knew that, but I wouldn't admit it and accept it. As I have had the incredible opportunity to lead the senior high youth at WMF and to speak at The Pink Lid, I began to realize that as much as I am wanting to give these awesome teenagers, I am only going to be able to give them so much. I can only give what I have to give, and if I was not full of the Lord and His grace and mercy and truth and forgiveness, then how would I be able to fully minister that to anyone? I am yearning to live as I preach: every single day.

"It wasn't long ago that you were doing all that stuff and not knowing any better. But you know better now, so make sure it's all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk." V7-8 I have no excuse. I am a daughter of the King; a child of God; a Christian; follower of Christ. I know better; so why keep making the same decisions? That is ignorance and immaturity in your faith. I don't want to be ignorant of the Lord and immature in my faith. I want to grow; I want people to be able to look up to me; I want to be able to share everything that the Lord has done in me, is doing in me, and is going to do in me with everyone I come into contact with! I want to be a precious child in His eyes, that He is CLOSE to. I want to know God better than I know myself. I long to be THAT close to Him.

Thank you, Jesus, for opening my eyes to see my downfalls. Thank you for loving me, a repetitive sinner, no matter what, and for never labeling me. You love me in spite of my flaws, and I ask that you continue to help me in my discipline for my quiet times. Days will get busier, I will grow weary and things will come up, but when that happens please bring to my mind how I feel when I have my quiet times with you, and what I am missing when I don't. I love you so much, Jesus. Thank you for who you are.

Just Ask

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8

I think the Lord sits back sometimes and just chuckles at us. I mean, really. I can just picture Him sitting in beautiful baseball field-like green grass, surrounded by tall trees and park benches, holding himself up by His arms that are stretched out behind him, His legs stretched out in front of Him crossed at the ankles, watching us here on earth. He watches in half amazement, half humor: Half amazement in that THE Word is so self-explanatory and laid out for us, and half humor in that we fail to see that and make it so much harder than it really has to be! Take, for instance, Matthew 7:7-8. How much more plain did God have to be when He inspired Matthew to write this book? The message version states, "Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing. You're at least decent to your own children. So don't you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?"

I know I am guilty of it. I am guilty of not asking for what I want from the Lord. I know that the Lord has a strong calling on my life, I know what I need in order to really begin that calling, I know what I am lacking, yet I don't ask. I catch thoughts drifting off to "If only I had ________", or "I just really would like to _________ but that is going to take God for it to happen!" Really?! THEN ASK!!!! I just laugh. I just read Matthew 7:7 and giggle to myself. The Lord wants us to ask him for what we need; He is begging us to ask him. He says, so plainly "Ask me and you will receive it!" AHHH! How much more plain does He need to get?

However, I think that we get so caught up with our own time that we forget about His timing. In my 26 years of living and most of that for Christ, I have come to the realization that His time is VERY rarely ours, if ever. The Bible doesn't say "Ask and you will receive it right then!" or "Knock and the door will be opened as soon as you want it to." HA oh I wish...But then, if we knew how God worked and why He works the way he does, He wouldn't be God. That is one of the most incredible things about Him- that we DON'T know. That He has His own time and plan- and that is one of the hardest things about living a life for Christ. TRUSTING in God. Truly knowing that He is for us; that He will never forsake us in our weakness and strength; that we are never on our own. Sometimes simply asking, "God, please reveal yourself to me. Let me feel you. Just let me know you are here" is all the Lord needs to hear. Ask Him. ASK HIM. God will ALWAYS answer. Maybe yes. Maybe no. Maybe wait. But God will always answer when you ask. You just have to be quiet enough to listen...

Jesus Take the Wheel

I was watching a Carrie Underwood special today and she sang her infamous "Jesus Take the Wheel". Oh man...she sang it like an angel- like always. While she was singing it, as lost as I was in the beauty of her vocal abilities, I was lost even more in the words and meaning behind the song itself. The very thing we were created for has been lost in our selfishness. We, as a fallen creation, have decided that we can do 'it' better. We can live our lives for a better purpose. We don't need Jesus to help us because we have it all figured out. Then- something happens: someone dies, you lose your job, the stock market crashes, your kids rebel, the person you love leaves you, etc...and we turn to Christ for help. Think about it- what did the nation as a whole look like on 9/11/01 and the few days that followed? Everyone went to church, was praying to God, came together for a single purpose. Why do we wait for a tragedy to strike before we give it to God? Do we honestly think we can live our lives better alone than with Him? Finally, in Carrie's song, she says, "Jesus take the wheel, take it from my hands, I can't do this on my own...I'm letting go, so give me one more chance, to save me from this road I'm on. Jesus take the Wheel." I wish we would all realize that all we need to do is let Jesus take the wheel of our lives. Then you could rest in the fact that the Lord has it all taken care of. He is the driver; you are only the passenger, and he will protect you and what's best for you- even if you don't understand it.

Lord, help me to give you the wheel to my life. Help me to always understand that you have my best interests at heart and that although I may not understand your ways, I know they are the best. Help me to realize, when I try to grab the wheel, that I am not trusting you and I am saying "I can do this better." I don't ever want you to think that I think I can do it better. You are incredible, loving, amazing, miraculous and trustworthy. Help us to understand that you are there ALWAYS and not just in a crisis. We need to make sure we don't just have you on the back-burner for when something bad happens. That you love us ALL the time and want to drive us down the chosen path for our lives 100% of the time. I love you more than words can say, Jesus. Thank you for all you have done in my life, and will continue to do as I let you drive.

Double-Standards

So at small group last night me and some of the other girls were talking about double-standards. I'm sure you've known someone or heard some news story that holds a double standard value. Sadly, that is the norm in today's society. For instance, (I'm going to go out on a limb here and share my opinion although I will be seen as close-minded...)I don't agree with homosexuality [Romans 1:25-27, Leviticus 20:13]. I believe the institution of marriage was created by God specifically for a man and a woman. My belief in this does not mean I do not like homosexuals, nor do I think they are necessarily going to hell, I just do not agree with their lifestyle- just like I do not agree with a prostitute's lifestyle, or a drug addict's lifestyle, or a liar's lifestyle. However, me saying I think a marriage should be between a man and a woman in today's society, I automatically get the title of being judgmental- BECAUSE that is not what 'the norm' is now. I honestly think that if you don't follow the crowd and do as 'they' do, whomever 'they' may be, you are seen as close-minded; as someone who is stuck in their ways and stubborn. That is really sad to me. Take, for example, Carrie Prejean, Miss California. She was asked "Vermont recently became the 4th state to legalize same-sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not?" She had a very honest and respectful answer saying she was raised that is should be between a man and a woman, no offense to any homosexuals, however, because 1.) the guy that asked the question practices homosexuality and 2.) that is not the way society feels it should be, she received so so so much backlash and was seen as close-minded and judgmental. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!@ What do you think would have happened if she would have answered "I think it is a person's choice and that same-sex marriages should be legal because that is the way I was raised; no offense to those that don't believe that way"? I honestly think everyone would have clapped, she would have went on, and all the crap that came out about her afterwards wouldn't' have even been looked at twice. But, because her morals and standards don't necessarily agree with that of the 'norm' of society, and she actually stood up in the spotlight for her convictions, she is seen as judgmental? Really? How come I can't tell a person I disagree with homosexuality without being automatically labeled as judgmental? It is the double-standards of society. If I stand up for my beliefs as a Christian, I might be offending someone so they take away my first amendment rights and decide to try to take out "Under God" out of the Pledge of Allegiance or "In God We Trust" off American Currency. How come I swear on the Bible in the courtroom but the 10 commandments are not allowed to be posted outside? BUT nobody can say anything about the Muslim religion because we might step on someone's toes and that is what they believe so who are we to tell them they cannot worship that way? Besides, that is their first amendment right and it's politically correct.

We have become so complacent in our thinking and the way society tells us to think and live and talk that I think sometimes we don't know what we truly believe...we just make sure that our morals go along with what feels good and what society says is right. Do you see the double-standards?